Living my best life
Sometimes at my new job there are nights where we aren't very busy, so I don't make very much money. Going home with cash in my pocket every night is cool, but it's not so cool when that cash is significantly less than the work put into it.
So last Wednesday night I came home with $45 in my pocket and I was bummed about that, but then I walked into my apartment and had a really weird realization. There are plants in my apartment. I made my curtains, built my coffee table, end table, put together all the decorations in my living room. I eat vegetables every day. I really, thoroughly enjoy my job, and I've been on two amazing dates with a person I really like. It hit me last week that I'm one dog away from living the life I've dreamed of living for a long time now.
I know some of this seems trivial, but even something like owning a bunch of plants requires responsibility, conducive environment, the space to place them. For years I've wanted to be a person that owns plants, but I've never been able until now. For years I've wanted to be a person that's built/made most of the furniture and decor in their house, and I'm moving toward that now. For years I've been eating rice and beans every day because I didn't think I had the time, cooking ability, or money to eat vegetables. (I also didn't even know I liked vegetables because I was a very picky eater as a kid, but it turns out I'm not so picky as an adult. I've hated lettuce all my life, and suddenly I find myself putting spinach on my sandwiches. When I told my family about this, their reaction was bigger and more dramatic than when I came out to them.)
At work the other night, my middle school principal (hey, Deb!) came in with her son and I got to serve them. She told me that I seemed really happy, which I don't think anyone has ever told me at any job I've ever worked. I had assumed for a long time that I would despise waiting tables, but it turns out I love it so much that I'm worried I'll want to keep waiting tables even after I graduate from OTA school in two years. I have always loved working, I make everything into a job (hence why I have an Etsy store instead of just crocheting leisurely like normal grandmas), so having a job that I really like makes a huge impact on my own personal well being.
For the first time in a long time, I feel really grounded and content. Because of that, I feel as if I've been selfish lately - not in a bad way, but just focusing on myself in order to get all my shit worked out. But now that I don't feel that need anymore to figure out what I'm doing with my life, I want to do more for other people. Especially with all that's going on in the world (specifically the U.S.) right now, I want to figure out what I can do to help others. I have some ideas in the works, talking to some good people about it, so hopefully very soon I'll have some news on that front. Stay tuned!